


Something to Hope For

by fallenangel8794



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-18
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2017-12-15 08:40:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 45
Words: 15,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/847521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallenangel8794/pseuds/fallenangel8794
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of ficlets detailing the budding relationship of Javik and Commander Shepard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tuchanka

This primitive-this human-was unique. She commanded respect and did not accept defeat. She was strong. But was she strong enough to destroy the Reapers? Time would tell. Until she proved unworthy, he would serve with her.

Javik was not liking this cycle. These primitives were looking to him like he would have all the answers and miraculously make the Reapers disappear. It was infuriating. There was nothing he could do other than shoot the ground forces. He was not a scientist. He was a soldier. The commander was a soldier, yet she was off playing politician to unite the disparate races against the bigger threat. She was doing the impossible. Maybe it would be enough. He could only hope…

“Javik!”

“Yes, Commander?”

“Want to see what happened to Tuchanka?”

“The krogan homeworld?”

“Right. Suit up and be at the shuttle in fifteen.” She was gone before he could answer. Shepard was bringing him on every ground mission. He was unsure of her reasons. Did she think it made it easier on him, somehow? Or that his thirst for vengeance could be sated by decimating whatever ground forces they managed to find? Or did she just like having him at her back? The last thought made the Prothean grimace. Primitives. He would never understand them.


	2. Mordin

Four missions in a row. While she gave time for her crew to rest, Shepard never stopped. She changed out her squad enough let them recover while she marched right back off the ship for more. It was the first and the last missions that Javik had joined her on. The first had been relatively uncomplicated. The last was something else entirely.

In the salarian’s short time on the Normandy, Javik had grown to tolerate him better than most of the others. It was clear that he and Shepard were close. When she returned and Mordin did not, Javik could feel the sorrow and guilt and resigned understanding of his decision radiating off of her. She would not speak to anyone. She returned quickly to her cabin and locked the door. Even so far away, he could still feel her as if she was standing next to him. He found himself in the uncomfortable position of worrying about her. He told himself that he had no reason to, she was the great commander, but still he felt his gut twist in anxiety. She carried a great burden and he feared she would let it consume her.

His fears were unfounded. After only an hour she reappeared, looking no worse for wear. If couldn’t sense the turmoil within her, he never would have seen it. She shouted for the pilot to set a course for some other planet, not bothering to take a break.


	3. Grunt

Missing krogan scouts. That was what had brought them to this planet. The “Grunt” krogan was yet another ally of the commander’s. It was the krogan who shared his quarters on the Normandy. Violent and over confident. No wonder they were in this mess.  
The bunker rocked and slipped free of the cliff. Javik’s heart leapt to his throat at the sight of the ground coming up fast to meet them. What had he said not five minutes ago? Long way down. Funny, it didn’t seem so long when gravity was having its way with you. His first thought was Shepard. He heard her calling to the krogan above them and heaved a silent sigh of relief.   
A cave in. Why was everything with this human so complicated? There was no such thing as a simple mission with her. Shepard shoved the Prothean roughly forward before she dove after him. She was going to get herself killed with her save-everyone attitude. And rachni. He would have killed them, but she gave them another chance to help. Primitives were too kind for their own good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this is some what enjoyable to read :) I'm having fun with it haha


	4. Traitors

Back on the ship, Shepard set a course for the Citadel and they were off again. Javik could detect the exhaustion in her. If she worked herself to death trying to stop the Reapers and gave out from fatigue before she accomplished her goal there was no hope left for this cycle. In his time, a soldier would not dare confront his commander, no matter the intention. He had noticed others from the crew approaching her to express concern. Maybe this cycle was different. Or maybe the commander was. Javik decided to try it after their stop on the Citadel.  
“Javik!”  
“Yes, Commander?” He answered without turning around. It used to anger him to be called in such a way, but he had grown to understand the human’s ways and accept it, even like it. But he would never admit it.  
“You said you had traitors in your cycle?”  
“Yes.” He could feel her anger hot and intense.  
“Oh, good. We have shit to shoot of that variety. Suit up and be ready in five.”  
“Of course.” She was already stomping away. There was a history here, he was sure of it. Whether or not he will ever learn of it had yet to be determined. He checked his rifle, it was ready. He checked his ever present armor, changing it from red to the off green color he knew the commander liked. Wait, what?


	5. Cerberus

“Thane!” Shepard gasped as he hit the floor. Javik was standing close enough that he could feel the pain and anger in her. She fired blindly at the assassin and chased after him. When the drell attempted to follow, she dropped the ground next to him.  
“How bad?”  
“I have time. Catch him.” Javik could feel her heart break as she left him.   
“Bailey, Thane needs medical attention, fast.”  
They climbed into a skycar and took off. Javik was in the back, behind Shepard and Garrus. Without warning, the assassin dropped onto their vehicle. Shepard tried to shoot him through the glass but the bullets were stopped cold. She opened the door and leaned halfway out, determined to get the bastard. Javik’s heart skipped a beat. She was going to get herself killed.   
“Commander!” He shouted. If she heard, she didn’t acknowledge him.  
“Shit,” Garrus hissed, taking the wheel. She was still trying to get the assassin. Shepard finally pulled herself back into the skycar and took the now useless controls. It didn’t take them long to crash. “I should have known not to let you drive anything nice after the way you handled the Mako.”  
“Shut it, Garrus.” She was at least smirking when she said it.  
Staring down the barrel of her gun at her former squad mate, Javik felt her frustration. He was surprised when she lowered her weapon. He and the turian kept theirs trained on the human.   
“I better not regret this,” was all he said.  
“You won’t.”  
Councilor Udina lay in a puddle of his own blood and Shepard was getting agitated talking when she knew her old team mate was dying. Her emotions were stronger than anyone else’s. Javik felt himself easily overwhelmed in her presence. With a final nod, she was gone and he was left in an odd stillness. He found it uncomfortable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for the kudos! I take it that means this is somewhat entertaining :)


	6. First Name Basis

Javik found her in the war room, staring at numbers without really seeing them. She was trying to regain control over her raging thoughts and be the leader that everyone needed her to be. Anyone else looking at her would have seen her studying the current war assets with a small scowl. He could sense the turmoil beneath.

“Commander.”

Her eyes flicked up to him, “Yes?”

“The numbers will not change as long as you stare at them.”

“I know.” She sighed, “I’m just running things in my head.”

“You could not have saved either of them.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Her face remained an unreadable mask, but standing next to her, he could feel her heart beat faster.

“The salarian and the drell. They were both at peace with their deaths. Why are you not?”

She lowered her head, “Come with me.”

He followed her out of the war room and to the elevator. She took him up to her private cabin. He faltered for only a minute before accepting her invitation to enter. In his cycle, this would never have been permitted. He still had much to learn about this one.

“So, Javik, you know what I’m feeling.”

“I do.”

“Speak freely, for god’s sakes. Everyone else does.”

“I am not used to this, Commander.”

“Look, in my private quarters, call me Sylvia. I trust you enough to let you in here, might as well be friends.”

“I do not wish to be friends.”

“Stow it. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have followed.”

He opened his mouth to disagree but closed it when he realized she was right. “As you wish.”

“Now, what were you trying to say in the war room?”

“You treat their deaths like a personal failure. Why?” He was genuinely curious. This was not something he had seen.

“Mordin’s death doesn’t bother me as much as Thane’s. Mordin died saving the species that he had helped sterilize. He felt like he was atoning for it by curing it and that was what he wanted. It hurts because he was my friend, part of my crew.” Her emotions now displayed on her face, green eyes shining with sorrow, pink lips trembling slightly with unshed tears. She continued, “I could have saved Thane. I just stood there, letting him fight on his own. I should have helped him. He didn’t need to go through that.”

“He was dying anyway.”

“That doesn’t change my lack of action.”

“Commander-” he paused at the firm look she gave him, “Sylvia, he would rather have died in a fight than on a bed.”

She liked the sound of her name on his lips. She shook her head. That was not the point of this. “I know. But I still should have done something.”

“You were with him when he passed. That’s all you could do.”

She turned away from him, her shoulders slumped. She was trying to hide the tears that fell from her eyes, but he knew. Javik put a hand on her shoulder in what he hoped was a comforting gesture. He was mildly relieved when he felt the gratitude flow through her.

“How do you do it?” She asked softly.

“Do what?”

“Witness so much death and still keep going?”

“War brings death. There is nothing you can do about it. In a war with the Reapers, there is no time to mourn. You simply move on.”

“No, you’re wrong. If we don’t mourn our fallen, then we are no better than the Reapers. We are not machines. We have the ability to feel pain and loss and happiness and love. Without that, we are no better than them. Taking the time to mourn the lost isn’t weak, it’s organic.”

With his hand still on her shoulder, he could feel the torrent of emotions that swept through her. Anger at his casual dismissal, hate towards the Reapers, fear that the grief would consume her, hope that no one else would suffer. He withdrew his hand, “This is why you fight?”

Knowing he wasn’t addressing what she said she answered, “Yes.”

“No one fought for anything other than survival in my time. There was nothing else. In this cycle there is still so much hope. I do not understand it.”

“You were born in war. We were not. What had lasted hundreds of years for you has been only months for us. It’s easy to hope when you have something to hope for.”

“I do not think I will ever have anything to hope for, Com-Sylvia.”

She half turned to face him, “When you want to find something, I’ll be here.”

He nodded. “You need rest.”

She groaned, “Not you too!”

“You are exhausted.”

“I’m fine.”

“I can sense you are lying.”

“Damn it. Fine. I’ll try. Happy now?”

“It’s acceptable.”

“Good, because it’s all you’re going to get.”

“Then I will leave you.” The Prothean hesitated.

“Seriously? I tell you to address me by my first name, give you permission to speak freely and you wait for me to dismiss you?”

“In my cycle-”

“Yes, yes, I know. Things were different. This is my cycle. How about I do this? I give you my permission to enter my cabin any time the light on the door is green, unless it is an emergency. Also, you are to call me by my first name when you are in my cabin. You do not have to ask my permission to leave. All I ask is that you respect these privileges.”

He blinked all four eyes at her. “Yes, Commander.”

She gave him a smile and rolled her two eyes. “Good night, Javik.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter, yay! Or maybe not...either way, there is it. Thanks for reading!


	7. Thoughts

More fetch mission from her superiors. It insulted Javik the things they were sent off to do. They were finely honed soldiers, not third rate grunts. But Shepard couldn’t pass up someone in danger, nor would she ever be able to. He scrubbed his hands free of the grim that permeated this cycle and scowled into the water. Her constant desire to help those in need was going to be end to her. He knew they were getting ready to dock at the Citadel and he had tried his hand at the primate messaging system. It was clumsy and slow, nothing like the woman he was trying to reach. He didn’t bother reprimanding himself for his lustful thoughts anymore. He was the last of his kind and she was the closest thing to Prothean that existed now, since her ample contact with the beacons and cipher. If his body reacted to her, it was out of his control. He felt nothing of the sort toward the human, even though her pheromones quickened his pulse. Or so he continuously told himself.


	8. Last Name Basis

Shepard met Javik in the embassies. She was thrilled to see him off the ship outside of missions. They talked about government in his time and hers, before being interrupted by curious onlookers. After his somewhat encouraging speech, he made to go back to the ship. She stopped him with a gentle hand on his arm.  
“Leaving so soon?”  
“Yes.”  
“Why don’t we have lunch or something? You’re hardly ever off the ship. This may be one of the last times you get to see the Citadel.”  
He turned back to her, “A tour?”  
She grinned and nodded. He motioned her on, scowling slightly. She led him to the elevator and thumbed the button for the Commons.   
“So, where do you want to eat?”  
“I do not eat in public.”  
“O-ok. How about a walk then?”  
“Acceptable.”  
“Anywhere you want to see?”  
“The lake. Water is calming to my people.”  
“And here I thought you didn’t know how to relax.”  
Javik chuffed and they walked the rest of the way in silence. Shepard took them a roundabout way, trying to avoid the vast majority of crowds. Once at the lake, they leaned on the railing, letting the silence stretch.  
“Something weighs heavy on your mind.” He said indifferently.   
Shepard fought the urge to snort. It was infuriating that someone could know her so well. It made her feel vulnerable that someone could see past her Commander mask to the human behind it. She could always brush him off, like he so often did, but for all the vulnerability she enjoyed being able let go every now and then. So she sighed, “We’re in a galactic war that we’re destined to lose. And I’m supposed to change that.”  
Javik remained silent, having spent enough time around the commander to know she wasn’t looking for reassurance or petty observations about her greatness. She was above such things, as was he. She was merely putting voice to her thoughts and doubts, finally having a reason to do so. No one else could see what she didn’t want them to, except for him.  
“I know this is going to get worse before it gets better,” Shepard continued. “But how much worse can it get before people give up on hope, on me? If they give up, then the war is as good as over. I can’t allow that. I just don’t know what else I can do.”  
“You cannot win a war on hope alone.”  
“Any more than we can survive without air. But without hope, people in this cycle can’t- won’t- fight. Should I take away the will to fight trying for a swift end, or should I lengthen the war trying to do everything?”  
“There is not a right answer.”  
“The right answer is whatever ends this.”  
Silence once again found its way between them. After a moment, Shepard stepped back with a sigh.   
“Thank you for meeting with me, Commander. I have enjoyed my time among the young.” Javik said, folding his arms.  
“Anytime, Javik. It was nice to see you off the ship. Can I ask you something?”  
“Yes.”  
“Do you have a last name?”  
If he had been capable, he would have raised an eyebrow at her odd question. Instead he answered, “No. We did not need them.”  
“I see. Well, thanks. I guess I’ll see you back on the ship.”


	9. Questions

“Commander, I have a question about human behavior.”  
Shepard glanced over to him as she snapped a pistol magazine in place, “Shoot.”  
“There is nothing to shoot on your ship.”  
“It means ask away, Javik,” she replied with a smirk.  
He scowled, “I see. I have noticed an increase in pheromones on the ship. It seems other species are seeking mates. Why are you not?”  
Turning to face him, she cocked her head to the side. “Why should I?”  
“You do not wish to procreate?”  
Shepard chuckled, “I never said that.”  
“Your command position does not prohibit it.”  
“The regs do, not that I’ve ever paid much mind to them. It’s not that I don’t want to, or that I’m not allowed to. I’ve always been looking for something special that I know will last.”  
“I see.”  
“Oh, good. Because I don’t. Thinking about it now, it seems stupid to have waited so long. How much time do we really have left? But I don’t want to jump in the sack with the first person who looks at me, either.”  
At that, Javik gave her a look that quickened her pulse and she had to look away. He had to know she found him attractive. It wasn’t like she could hide it since he could smell it. And that look. Shepard mentally groaned.  
He couldn’t help the smirk that curled across his lips. The unflappable Commander Shepard could still blush like an adolescent school girl. Javik knew she was attracted to him. She didn’t try to hide it, between her frequent visits to his room and her pheromones. He wasn’t at all surprised. Being prothean put him a step above the primitives, after all.  
“My turn to ask a question.” She said, trying to regain a handle on the conversation.  
“Yes?”  
Shepard narrowed her eyes at him playfully, “If I was lucky enough to be born a prothean in your cycle, what Avatar would I have been?”  
He scoffed at her attempt at flattery. “I do not know.”  
“I’ll give you time to think on it, but I do expect an answer.”  
“Very well.”


	10. Primitive Pride

“Hey, Javik, got a minute?”  
He turned his head to look at her, “Yes.”  
“I have something for you.”  
Javik turned fully to her and gave her that queer expression that seemed like he was raising an eyebrow that he didn’t have.  
Shepard pulled a set of dog tags out of her pocket and offered them to him. He took them with mild curiosity, remaining silent.  
“We wear them mainly for identification purposes, but they’re also a symbol of service. Some people think of them as a badge of honor. For me, having them has always meant I belong somewhere and that there will always be people I can count on. It’s primitive and silly since you’re the only prothean we know, but I had a set made for you. You’re part of my crew, my family and this was my way of showing it.” She took a deep breath, waiting for his biting remark.  
“I see,” was all her said. Javik turned the small metal tags in his fingers. On one side was all of his personal information and on the other was the Alliance insignia. He could feel the pride soldiers of this cycle had in these trinkets and it made him swell with the same feeling. How remarkably primitive. Why was this so enduring? He was no longer a lost soul, venturing out on his own against an unknowable enemy. Once again, he had that definite purpose and determination he hadn't realized was waning in the face of the never ending war. He put them around his neck and looked up at the commander, “Thank you.”  
She smiled at him in response, resisting the urge to hug him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it so far!


	11. Javik!

Experiencing the geth consensus was something she had never thought she would do. Shepard had been nervous going in, but now, sitting on the shuttle going back to ship, it was right up there on her list of favorite accomplishments, along with coming back from the dead and becoming the first human Specter. Javik had refused to speak with her about it, saying only that he found it foolish no matter how much faith she had in the Legion machine. She glanced to where he was sitting. He scowled at her and looked away, suddenly very thoroughly inspecting the structural integrity of the shuttle.

Back on the ship, she hoped off the shuttle and made her way to the elevator. There was a hot shower with her name on it somewhere near the top of the ship and that’s where she was heading, barring no emergency got in the way.

Javik paced in his room, scowling at the walls. How could she let the machines access to her mind? How could she do it without back up, without him? What if they changed something in her? That thought stopped him cold. If those machines altered her, she could side with the reapers and bring them all down. She wouldn’t be his commander anymore. He turned on his heel and jogged to the elevator.

Up in her cabin, Shepard stripped off her armor and stowed it, vowing to clean it after her shower. Tugging on the zipper of the mesh undersuit, she sighed as the fabric came loose. It fell to her hips and she wiggled it the rest of the way off, leaving her standing in just tight black undershorts. She never wore a bra with her armor, but she learned early on that underwear down low were a near necessity should she wish to avoid chaffing. Bending to pick up the garment, she almost didn’t hear the door to her cabin open. She snapped up and crossed her arms over her bare chest.

“Javik!”


	12. Weird Aliens

The prothean paid no mind to Shepard’s startled yell or her lack of coverage as he stormed into her room.

“It was foolish to let those machines access to your mind. I will see for myself if they altered you or not.” He grabbed her shoulders and slipped into her mind.

Shepard just stood in shock. Normally, she would have decked whoever had barged into her room while she was mostly naked. But Javik had walked right up to her and gripped her shoulders before she had fully processed what he had said. He hadn’t sounded angry, or wholly disproving. He had sounded damn near desperate to see if she really was still herself and not some mind controlled drone. So instead of shoving him off and landing a mean right hook to his smug alien face, she let him search her mind for whatever he needed to see to know she was still the same.

After some time, Javik released her and took a step back. Shepard adjusted her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow at him, “Well?”

“The experience changed you.”

“I know.”

“You are still going to destroy the Reapers.”

“Yep.”

“Very well. That was what I needed, Commander.” And just like that, he turned and left again.

“I told you to call me Sylvia in my room!” She shouted after him. If he heard, he didn’t respond. She sighed and shook her head. Did that really just fucking happen? She shook her head again, now not entirely sure she was right in the head. Muttering about weird aliens, she padded to her long awaited shower.


	13. Worth Saving

Javik watched Shepard and the quarian talk on the surface of Rannoch. It was bitter sweet for the young admiral, finally setting foot on her home planet during a war with sentient machines hell bent on destroying it. With a smile, the commander picked up a rock and handed it to her friend. He couldn’t hear what was said, but it had a profound impact on the quarian, who stood and watched the commander walk away. Turning the rock over in her hand for a moment longer, a renewed feeling of hope, admiration, trust and kinship surged through her. She pocketed it with a deep sense of gratitude before trotting off after the human. Javik followed at a distance. The commander took time out of a war to bolster the spirit of her team mate in a way that had little to do with battle. It was a novel concept for the ancient alien and it gave him another glimpse of the woman behind the commander mask. She was put up as the only hope for the galaxy to find peace and he was beginning to understand why. She was more than just a solider. She was everything worth saving about this cycle.


	14. Smile Big

Rannoch gave her a bad feeling the minute she entered its orbit. Nearly getting killed on the geth dreadnaught right off the bat didn’t help much either, and squaring off with a reaper was just the icing on the cake. One hit from the combined fleet and it was down. Shepard took a moment to reflect on everything that had happened since she involved herself in another war as she lined up another shot. She had regained both Tali and Legion. _Another hit to the reaper_. Nearly been blown up and killed countless times. _Damn that thing is getting close_. Entered the geth consensus. _Okay, really not liking how big it is_. And saved the quarian admiral she had wanted to punch. Over all, she hadn’t done too badly here. So, if she died going toe-to-toe with a reaper, it would be fitting, if wrong. There was still work to do after all. Grinning like the Cheshire cat, she lined up what would turn out to be the last shot.

“Smile big, motherfucker.”

Javik check his weapon for the fifth time, his armor for the seventh and his omni-tool for the third. Shepard had taken off in the direction of the reaper, ordering them to get the hell out of there. And they had listened. He bared his teeth at the thought. Had he known she would actually do it, he could have stopped her. But she was so impulsive; he didn’t see it coming until it was too late. The image of her running towards the reaper, with its red beam silhouetting her, would haunt him for the rest of his days. In his time, he had seen too many good soldiers die doing what she was attempting. He- _this war_ -would fail and lose purpose if she was not here.

When had he to rely on her so much?


	15. What the Galaxy Needs

She wouldn’t sacrifice one species for another, would she?

She wouldn’t wipe out any race.

She saved the rachni.

The Legion machine was nearly done with its upload and the quarian was just this side of hysteric. Shepard refused to look at either of them, instead burning her eyes with Rannoch’s sun. Javik stood a few feet away, arms crossed and scowling. How dare these primitives put the commander in this position? She had just squared off with a reaper and won. Both species should die for their foolishness. But he knew the woman would never allow it. So the question remained, who would die? Her emotions raged behind the cool mask and he did not envy her in the least. The quarian squeaked out another desperate plea and Shepard sprang into action. She contacted the fleet and gave a grand, soul shattering speech that defused the entire situation. Javik’s mouth fell open in shock. She had saved _both_. Commander Shepard had single handedly ended a war three hundred years in the making without firing a single shot. She turned back to Tali and Legion. A cold feeling settled over her as Legion spoke. Javik took the chance to step closer to her as the geth fell. He could once again feel her heart break as she looked away from the shell of her team mate. From the outside, it was clear she was sad to see him go, but to Javik, it was just a small part of the emotional tidal wave she was holding back. But she stayed strong, because that’s what the galaxy needed. 


	16. Memorial

Shepard put Legion’s name up on the memorial wall and, for the umpteenth time, cursed whoever had put the damn thing in front of the elevator. Everyone who had known the geth gathered around to pay their respects as she stepped back away from the monument, weary in every way. She followed the group back out the mess for a drink in his honor. The entire group was somber and quiet. Some were drinking considerably more than others, looking for solace at the bottom of a bottle and Shepard didn’t have the heart to stop them. If she decided to be honest, it didn’t sound like such a bad idea right then. But she restricted herself to just enough alcohol to dull the pain before pushing off the counter she was leaning against and heading out of the mess. Javik, who had refused any drink, was watching her with a keen interest. There was something bubbling just beneath the surface and he found himself sitting on pins and needles as she brushed past him. Before rounding the corner to the elevator, she stopped and turned back to her sullen crew.

“I know we’ve all lost friends, team mates, family. I know we’re all afraid we’re going to lose more. But, you can’t ever really lose someone close to you, you see. If you think of them when they catch your attention instead of pushing them away and remember the good, as well as the bad times you shared, then they aren’t really lost. They’re just taking an extended leave and are waiting for us to meet them there. And as much as it hurts that they’re gone, and as much as we want to see them again, I say we make them wait a little longer.” Her voice, though rough with unshed tears, was still strong and carried through the mess. Those gathered raised their glasses and bottles and uttered a heartfelt chorus of “here, here” before drinking in unison.

Her speech had bolstered them enough to start sharing old stories of the fallen; the alcohol loosening their tongues after the melancholy took hold again. Nodding to herself, she slipped into the elevator and left them to their memories. 


	17. Avatar of Peace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A moment of silence in remembrance for all those who lost their lives 09/11/01. We will never forget.

“Commander?”

Shepard slowly pulled herself to a sitting position on the couch where she was laying trying to read some shitty romance novel and looked at Javik. “Yes?”

“Why are you not with the crew?”

“Needed a break.”

“The Admiral has requested you dry dock the ship, yes?”

She nodded mutely.

“Do it.”

She raised an eyebrow at him and waited for him to give a reason for the sudden change in attitude. The last time they had taken the better part of a day on the Citadel to restock, he had given her a tongue lashing that would have made her mother proud. Now, he was telling her to take an undetermined amount of time off from a war that they were losing at an alarming rate.

“War cannot be won when the one leading it falters.”

Shepard pulled herself from the couch and picked up a glass with amber liquid swirling in it. She brought it to her lips and took a long drink before sighing, “I never wanted to lead it.”

“That is what makes you the best.”

The commander resisted the urge to sigh again. Instead, she moved to the aquarium and watched the fish swim lazily back and forth. She wished life could be that simple, where the most important thing to worry about was when the VI would dispense food and whether to swim to the right or the left of the fake plant. Javik could sense her negative emotions and had the desperate urge to fix her problems, even though he knew rightly well that it wasn’t possible. He scoffed at his stupidity and blamed it on being surrounded by primitives, despite the voice in back of his mind telling him that wasn’t the cause. The silence stretched with nothing but the humming of the ship and the bubbling water to lend life to the scene. He suddenly remembered a question she had asked him in jest that he had refused to answer. Maybe if he answered it now, it would bring her smile back. She had such a lovely smile…No. No, he was merely bolstering her spirit as he had seen her do with the quarian on Rannoch. Why he was even doing that, he couldn’t (or wouldn’t) try to think about.

“Had you been born in my cycle, you would have been one of our Avatars,” Javik said. Shepard turned to him and raised an eyebrow. He continued, “In my time on the _Normandy_ , I have been observing you primitives. There are many that wish to throw others in the path of the reapers in an effort to escape. There are others that would hide in the hope they would not be found. There are others that will fight until there is nothing left to kill. And then, there is you. You have spent an immeasurable amount of time working to unite the races that rule your time in a fleeting hope that you can defeat an impossible enemy. You end wars.” The ancient alien uncrossed his arms and stepped closer to her. The commander just blinked at him, still trying to process what he was saying. “You are the Avatar of Peace.”


	18. What Friends are For

Javik had left her cabin without another word. In hind sight, maybe she should have said something after his little speech, but she couldn’t think of anything to say. ‘Thank you’ didn’t seem like the best choice, but silence was clearly worse. Maybe he could tell that she was grateful, just at a loss for words. Or maybe he hadn’t been looking for any kind of response. Shepard was just about to run after him when her cabin door opened again and Liara stepped in.

“Hello, Shepard. Is this a bad time?”

“No, come in.”

“I noticed Javik just left.”

“Yeah.”

The asari moved down the stairs to sit on the couch. Shepard trailed after her. “You two are spending a lot of time together.”

“Are we?” The commander knew she spent more time with him than she did sleeping, but that wasn’t saying much. She rarely slept anymore.

“Yes. You never leave him behind for missions and he doesn’t seem to have a problem coming to your room.”

It didn’t surprise Shepard as much as it should that Liara knew that. “Neither do you.” She pointed out. Liara laughed and shook her head at the blonde haired woman, who shrugged. “I like him,” she said simply. She didn’t have the energy or the desire to lie to her friend.

“That much is obvious, Shepard.”

“Jealous?”

They both laughed and Liara answered, “Not in the sense you’re thinking.”

“Uh-huh.”

Liara deflected with a question, “Is he always so brusque?”

The commander thought about it. She had just come to see him as Javik, not rude or short or ignorant. He was the same as anyone else in her rag-tag crew, an alien with his own views and opinions and attitude. “Not really. I guess once you get to know him, he does open up more. I still know almost nothing about him, though so maybe not,” she smiled. “He stopped calling everything about our cycle primitive.”

“That’s a start.”

The two women fell into a comfortable silence. Shepard felt better after talking with Javik, the thought that he had come up to see her just to check on her wellbeing had helped brightened her mood.

“So, you like him.”

Shepard sighed, “I do. He can be an ass, sure, but how would you feel if you woke up 50,000 years from now and everyone you knew was long gone?”

“I believe I would be more sad than angry.”

“Well, he is the Avatar of Vengeance.”

“I wonder how many avatars they had,” Liara said thoughtfully.

“I’ll ask the next time it comes up.”

“Shepard?”

“Mmm?”

“Could you share what you learn from him?”

“With my best friend and favorite prothean expert? I don’t see why I wouldn’t.”

The asari turned her bright eyes to Shepard, “I think he’s good for you.”

“Really?”

“Yes. You know you guys act like you’re dating?”

“We do not.” The commander couldn’t stop the smile that tugged the corners of her mouth up.

“Yes, you do,” Liara said with such authority that it brokered no more argument on the subject. “You should try to get some sleep. You look terrible.”

Shepard barked out a dry laugh, “Thanks for that positive feedback.”

“It’s what friends are for, right?”

She nodded and walked her friend out to the elevator. When she was alone, Shepard dropped herself into the desk chair to check her messages. She found the one from Admiral Hackett requesting the _Normandy_ dry dock at the Citadel.

Maybe she would do it, after all.


	19. Taking a Break

Take a break, he said. You need it, he said.

Fuck him.

Shepard had just fallen through a fish tank and who knows how far onto the ground after getting shot at by mercs with bad showmanship. Next time someone told her to ‘take a break’ she was going to tell them to go give a lap dance to a reaper. At least she had ended up with a gun. And the mercs happened to have extra ammo on them, not that it mattered since she was a skilled biotic. All she had to do was dodge bullets until the shuttle got here. Or she got to it, whatever happened first and involved her survival. Brooks came over the comm saying something about using too much medi-gel. Then the line crackled and Liara’s voice filled her ears. Not long after that, an unexpected voice came on.

_“Commander?”_

“Javik?”

_“Who is attacking the Citadel?”_

“No one.”

_“I hear gun fire.”_

“Yeah, I’m making new friends.”

_“Who is this? Get off the comm! You’re endangering the commander.”_

_“I am doing no such thing, primitive woman.”_

“Guys, shut up. Brooks, meet my longtime friend Liara and Javik, my -” Shepard was cut off by a merc and she was very grateful. She repaid him by shoving her omni-blade through his gut. Catching her breath and reloading, she mentally kicked herself for her near slip up. She unfairly blamed Liara for that dating comment she made the other night, but she knew it was more the product of wishful thinking. It really didn’t matter what she felt for the ancient alien, they were the products of two different cycles and she would always be primitive to him. A bullet struck her side and she muttered a curse. She had actually liked this dress, too. Shepard pulled herself into cover and hissed when she jostled her injury. Maybe Javik had the right idea going everywhere in armor. And Brooks had used all the medi-gel. This was going to be fantastic.


	20. Medi-Gel and Alien Fingers

Shepard had peeled the ruined dress off and left it in a heap on the bedroom floor. She was standing in the master bathroom wearing a sports bra and PT shorts, poking at her newest wound. It happened to be right on top of her ribs, which were sore from her fall. In reality everything hurt since she fell through that damn fish tank, but the bullet was amplifying the pain in her torso.

“You are injured.”

She smoothed medi-gel across her ribs without glancing back to Javik. She had heard the door open and had immediately hoped it was him. The lack of booted footsteps had told her it was indeed the prothean, since he was the only one in her crew that lacked footwear of that sort.

“What you were wearing was not appropriate for combat. You should not have fought.”

“I did have that thought right about the time I got shot.”

Javik stepped up close behind her and pulled the medi-gel out of her hand. He proceeded to remove a shard of glass from her shoulder and dab the ointment over the cut. His hands were gentle and she could feel the ridges of his alien fingers sliding over her skin.

“Turn.”

Shepard complied, willing her heart to slow down and her pheromones not to give her away. She kept her face neutral as he checked the patch job she had done on her side. Finding it satisfactory, he examined the rest of her body for other injuries. When his eyes finally reached her face, they found a cut on her bottom lip. With a series of soft touches, he covered it in medi-gel and lingered in her personal space for a breadth longer than was strictly necessary. The hesitation was not lost on Shepard, but before she could react, he had turned and stalked away.

“I believe the crew wishes to speak with you,” was all he said as he left the room. 


	21. No Armor Allowed

“Hell no.”

Liara failed to stifle a giggle and Javik continued to glare. “You primitives never learn. You should wear your armor, as I am.”

“This is the part where we have to blend in. If I have to wear _that_ ,” Shepard gestured to the dress bag slung over the couch, “then you can’t wear your armor.”

“I have nothing else,” the alien replied, his tolerance with the argument clearly at an end.

“I believe our Shadow Broker can find you something suitable.” Shepard challenged.

Liara pulled up her omni-tool and said, “Done.”

“No, not that one. It’ll clash with my new dress.”

“Oh, yes of course. This one should be better.”

“Ah, perfect,” the commander smirked at Javik. He scowled in return and trudged out of the room. Shepard turned to Liara, “On a scale of one to he’s going to kill me in my sleep, how bad do you think I pissed him off?”

“Well, when he tosses you out of the airlock, I believe he will at least let you keep your helmet.”

“Lucky me.”

“If it had been anyone else, you know he just would have shot us, right?”


	22. That Damn Clasp

Javik stood staring out of the picture window, glaring at the passing skycars. The asari had presented him with a black dress uniform that was trimmed in red and left with a wink before he could protest. He had taken great care when removing his only equipment and storing it in the commander’s spare gear locker, only to nearly tear the uniform putting it on. That woman. How dare she strip him of his armor? Yet, he had not put up much of a fight. Why? He wanted to offer her one thing that didn’t come as the prize for a battle. She was doing so much already, if she wanted to have a night of frivolity, then he would not begrudge her of it. She had asked him to accompany her, and he would as her guard, her crewmate, her…friend. She had done enough to earn his respect on a more personal level that he felt he could identify her as someone that meant more to him than another solider. Though others seemed to think that their arrangement was something called a ‘date’, which he had quickly learned implied that he and the commander were romantically involved. They were not. They were merely two people with mutual-

“Well, Javik, you clean up nice for someone that hasn’t been out of armor in 50,000 years.”

He turned sharply and his caustic remark died in his throat. Commander Shepard was leaning over the balcony with what could only be described as a shit eating grin on her face. She was in her standard black and red coloring, only it was in the shape of a floor length black dress with a red sash across the middle. Her usually fly-away, short platinum hair was being held back with a red link headband. She turned with a wave of fabric and he could hear her heels clicking on the stairs as she made her way down them.

“Could you help me with my necklace? I can shoot any gun you give me and throw small objects with deadly accuracy, but I can’t get the damn clasp on this thing.” She held out a thick rope of gems as she approached him. He deftly buckled it around her neck and she took his hand to lead him to the waiting skycar. 


	23. Something Right

Something had shifted tonight. Something was markedly different. And something was very right. Shepard noticed it when he had sought her out after the failed sushi dinner with Joker. Javik had noticed it when he felt comfortable in her presence without his armor. She kept leaning over him and point out things flying past the window of the skycar, her hand lingering on his leg or her head on his shoulder before she would blush and move away again. The first time it happened, he pretended not to notice. The second, he had scowled. After that, he was beginning to wonder if it was intentional. It would make sense that she was given to the social stigma that two adults dressing up and going out was, in fact, a date. This was not a date. This was a covert mission to find the people responsible for trying to take over Shepard’s life.

She leaned over him again and he was distracted from his thoughts by the alluring curve of her neck as she pointed out her mother’s ship in the docking bay.

Wait.

“Your mother?”

“Yeah, my mom must be here to restock since her ship just left dry dock. Both of my parents have been in service longer than I’ve been alive.”

“I see.”

“Did you ever know your parents?”

“No,” he said more shortly than he intended, so he sighed, “They were killed when I was very young.”

“I’m sorry. I guess I kind of expected it, but I still hoped you knew one of them.”

“You hope for a lot, even when you know there is nothing left.”

She turned to him and smiled, “There’s always something. You just have to be willing to see it.”

Her statement was genuine and simple, born from deep within her. He was beginning to realize that for all he could see with his sensory ability, he was blind to the person the feelings belonged to. This woman had the universe on her shoulders and she still found something to hope for; not out of naivety, but as a choice not to give up. Her hand was again resting on his leg and this time, she made no move to relocate it. Javik examined his time in this cycle more thoroughly. In between the fights that could have been from his own memories and all the time spent trying to avoid contact with the primitives, there was as outstanding sense of camaraderie that was centered on the one thing that was making this cycle bearable. And she was sitting next to him with her hand on his knee. Without looking away from the window, he covered her hand with his and left it there until they reached their destination.


	24. Grateful, Not Jealous

“So, Liara, how are things with Javik?” Joker asked, trying to be nonchalant.

“I don’t talk to him much,” she answered without looking up from the console where she was watching the casino security feeds.

“Well, yeah, but you talk to Shepard and those two are always together.”

“They are usually in fire fights, Joker.”

“Is that jealousy I hear?”

Liara glanced up from the screen to glare at the pilot, “I am not jealous of my best friend. It’s about time she found someone to connect with.”

“Right, right.”

Liara sighed and spoke to Shepard over the comm. Joker took the hint to drop it and left her to her work. The asari watched as her friend moved through the well-dressed crowd with a prothean shadow. They really did look good together, and she was truly happy for Shepard. Goddess knows she’d kept everyone at arm’s length since the SR-1. Ashley Williams had said it had been like that ever since Akuze and Liara had looked into it as an information broker. She couldn’t blame the commander for withdrawing after an experience like that. Dying once had helped her loosen up, if making her a darker person. Since spending more time with Javik, a different part of her was coming out, a part that Liara thought had died with the old _Normandy_. She wasn’t jealous, she was grateful. And all the better if she passed on whatever knowledge Javik shared with her. She was worried what would happen to one of them if the war were to claim the other. They were both warriors and they would carry on, but losing one’s mate could destroy a person in ways the reapers could never fathom.

They had both lost so much; they deserved some happiness with each other.


	25. Just a Pale Imitation

_Just a pale imitation._

That’s what Javik had said to the clone. Well, if she was such a pale imitation, why was she so damn hard to kill? Shepard deflected the shockwave her clone tossed her way and set off a biotic explosion in her face. She silently thanked Aria for teaching her that ‘flare’ trick. Brooks bolted out of cover and Shepard focused her attention on the dark haired woman.

James roared out, “It’s a really good thing you guys aren’t wearing the same armor, Lola!”

She barked out a laugh in response and finished emptying her clip into Brooks. A strained snarl made her whip around and fire up her biotics. The clone and Javik were grappling dangerously close to the open shuttle bay door. Without a second thought, she leapt at her artificial twin and tackled her away from Javik. With another biotic explosion, they both went flying back. Shepard landed easily on her feet while the clone rolled. Once she regained her footing, she lunged at the commander again and the two started a biotic wrestling match that lifted the crates in the bay with its power. The women were saying something to one and other, but no one can hear over the wind and shifting cartons. Javik wanted desperately to knock the pretender aside, but he couldn’t get close enough without being swept up in the biotic storm.

An angry shout came over the din, “You are not Commander Shepard!”

It was impossible to tell who had said it, but the woman with the well-known fire in her blue eyes won the biotic challenge. In the sudden absence of that power, the balance shifted and both women went tumbling out of the ship.

Javik and James had surged forward and ran after the commander. They slowed as they neared the open hatch door and found Shepard and her clone dangling off the edge by their fingers. They were clearly having a conversation that was lost in the wind. Javik moved down farther and extended his hand out to the real Shepard. She took it and turned back to the clone.

“You can come with me.”

The other woman gave a bitter answer that no one but the commander seemed to hear and then let go. Shepard pulled against Javik’s hand trying to catch her, but it was useless. He could feel the conflicting emotions roiling through her. Anger that her counterpart was a coward, an unspecified fear, the uncomfortable reality of watching herself die, and pity that the other woman felt she had nothing to live for. She squeezed his hand gratefully before releasing it to deal with Brooks. 


	26. Why Does It Matter?

“What is the point of this party? No one will remember it in 50,000 years.” Javik said moodily. He’d been grumpy, well more so than usual, since they got back from the casino fund raiser.

Shepard sighed and pulled him away from the crowd with a gentle hand on his arm. “In 50,000 years, no one will remember anything that happens today or tomorrow or next week. What happens now won’t mean anything to anyone then. What matters is that it means something to the people experiencing it.”

“The reapers will still matter in 50,000 years, Commander.”

“No, they won’t. I’ll make sure of that.”

There was a fire in her blue eyes then, and determination radiating off of her.  It was at that moment that he lost the ability to doubt her. Javik blinked his four eyes slowly and said, “I see. You have given me much to think on.”

She flashed him a smile before leaving him at the beckoning of another crew member. He watched her interact with the people she was closest to. She was a marvel; unstoppable on the battle field, a skilled politician, and clearly the best friend any of these primitives had ever had. She was not just one thing to the galaxy. She was everything that mattered to everyone that knew her.

Javik included.


	27. Unique?

“Why are you shooting things in my apartment?” Shepard asked the group of men taking cover behind the couch.

“You can never be too careful!” Wrex answered.

“I am beginning to enjoy this party,” Javik said as he shot another beer bottle.

“We are trained professionals, Shepard. Even if one of us lacks depth perception.” Zaeed winked his good eye at her.

She shook her head, “Keep it restricted to empty alcohol bottles and I don’t care.”

There was a dance circle that was calling her name and she made her way over to it without a backward glance. Javik stared after her until Zaeed elbowed him.

“Making eyes at the commander, eh?” Javik glared at the grizzled mercenary. He laughed, “I don’t blame you. Bloody hell; don’t look at me like that.”

Javik softened his glare enough that the other man stopped fidgeting.

“I don’t care who Shepard chooses to share her bed with, four eyes, but she’s an honorary krogan. Do anything to mess with her and I will personally beat you to a bloody pulp,” Wrex growled behind him.

“She’s a goddamn hero to everyone. She deserves to have someone look out for her like she does for us. I pity the poor fool who has that job, with half the shit she does.” Zaeed shook his head.

“The commander has a unique way of doing things, yes.” Javik finally said, his gold eyes unwittingly drifting back to _her_.

Unique. That was certainly one way to describe the Commander.


	28. Time Will Tell

The party was winding down, with Zaeed already snoring on the couch and Grunt still locked in the bathroom. Everyone else was searching for a comfortable place to crash. Shepard was leaning over the balcony watching Glyph direct the inebriated party goers to various places. Her sapphire eyes followed Javik as he made his way up the stairs. She smiled when she felt him next to her.

“Commander.”

“Javik, my apartment is an appropriate place to use my first name.”

He hummed thoughtfully and she turned her head to see him better. “I have been thinking.”

“Oh?”

“Yes. In my cycle, we were only concerned with survival. There was no room for companionship. It was too painful. In this cycle, it is a staple of society. Your people would not know what to do without it. At first I thought it was primitive. You have spent more time forging alliances than actually fighting the Reapers. I did not understand.”

“What changed your mind?”

“Nothing. I still find it primitive.”

Shepard glared playfully at him, the alcohol still buzzing in her system making flirting with him seem like a great idea. “It’s working, isn’t it?”

“Time will tell, Sylvia.” Javik let the corners of his mouth quirk up in response to her surprised look.

“Time tells a lot, Javik.”

He took a half step closer to her, “So it would seem.”

She pressed her hands to the chest of his armor, “What has time told you?”

She knew she had just asked a loaded question and blamed the booze, even though she didn’t regret asking it in the least. He tilted his head to the side, pondering her question. He was surprised to find the alcohol clouding his mind and the smell of her pheromones was distracting him further. Without warning, Shepard leaned in and pressed her lips to his. Javik found it easier to respond to the gesture than the question and wound his arms around her waist. He felt her mouth curve into a smile against his and couldn’t resist the urge to slide his tongue across her bottom lip. Shepard pulled away slowly and tilted her head so she could see his four golden eyes.

“How far do you want to take this?” She asked softly.

“As far as you will take it, Commander.”

“You know me,” she said with a sultry smile as she pulled him toward the bedroom, “I never do anything half way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaannnndddd things are getting a bit steamy!! *suggestive eyebrow waggle* hope it's still a good read!! :)


	29. Regrets, or Lack Thereof

Javik locked the door to the bedroom as soon as it closed behind him. Whatever was going to happen between him and the commander tonight was going to stay between them. He watched as she perched on the edge of the bed and rested her elbows on her knees. She heaved a heavy sigh and looked up at him.

“How drunk are you?” She asked.

“I am not.” She raised a skeptical eyebrow. “I am what your pilot calls ‘tipsy’,” he amended.

To that, Shepard nodded, “Then we’re on the same level.” She paused for a moment and Javik waited for her to speak again. “Will you regret this?”

He was about to bark out a caustic remark about the uselessness of regretting one’s actions when he stopped himself. This cycle was different from his and he’d seen how heavily regrets weighted some primitives down. Shepard herself had a handful of them, he knew, but she was a fighter through and through, just as he was. Instead he sat next to her and mimicked her posture.

“I have learned to regret nothing in my life. In my cycle, regrets were only things to get you killed faster, or put others at risk. It is the same in this cycle, but you do not know how to let go of them.”

Shepard hummed in response, neither confirming nor denying his assessment. “That’s a nice deflect, but it doesn’t answer my question,” she finally said.

Javik angled his head toward her and said without hesitation, “I will not regret anything that I do with you.”

She looked into his golden eyes and found herself smiling, “Nor I anything with you.”

And with that, he cupped her face in his hand and pulled her lips to his for a deep, passionate kiss.


	30. Too Many Clothes

Javik had her pinned to the bed; his still armored hips were holding her soundly in place while he held her wrists with his hands and trailed soft nips and kisses down her neck. Shepard had given up struggling to throw him off and decided to just enjoy the attention he was so willing to give. His lips were rougher than hers, and thinner, but she soon learned far more dexterous and she couldn’t help but imagine them south of her navel. He found a particularly sensitive spot and when she gasped, sunk his teeth into the soft flesh, Shepard’s gasp turning into a throaty moan. He knew that last bite would leave a mark and he felt a swell of pride that he had been the one to claim the great commander. None of the primitives in this cycle were worthy of a woman such as her. Javik trailed his lips farther down her neck until he found the collar of her shirt.

“Commander,” he said breathily, “I believe you are wearing too many clothes.”

She laughed in kind, “Says the one still wearing armor.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright folks, this next bit gets *ahem* interesting. I tried to keep it low key, but, really, it's Shepard and Javik. Be warned of more graphic displays of affection in the coming chapters. :)


	31. Say My Name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final warning: They are nearly naked and in bed. You know what's coming (heh) and yes it gets mildly graphic. If you want to skip to the after scenes, feel free. Otherwise, read on! And thank you for doing so :)

Her skin was smooth beneath his hands as he slid them over her body. She was clad in only her black undergarments, he in only his undersuit, which Shepard had pushed down to his hips. She was on top of him now, grinding against his arousal with her own. Javik dug his fingers into the taut muscles of her back and hips, groaning when she drew her tongue over the sensitive red folds of his neck. Tossing her head back, she reached around her back and unhooked her bra, flinging it behind her and letting her breasts free for him to explore. He cupped one in a hand, relishing the soft feel of it, and drew his tongue slowly over the hardening peak.

“Oh, Javik,” she breathed his name as if he was all that mattered.

“Commander,” he forced out between gasps as she bit down on his shoulder.

All at once he found himself off the bed and pressed face first against the wall. Hard. Shepard was panting in his ear, her body pinning him.

“What’s my name?” She purred.

He mouthed her name silently, finding it hard to concentrate with her bare skin flush against his.

“Say my name, Javik.” His name once again tumbled from her lips like some ancient mantra, serving to stoke the fire she had lit in his very soul the day she woke him from his 50,000 year sleep. It burned through his veins, cooling only where she touched him.

“Sylvia,” he declared. Once again, he felt her lips curve into a smile against his neck and she loosened her hold. He pressed his advantage now, turning to throw her against the wall. Her legs had found their way around his hips, the heat of her sex beckoning him to take her.

Shepard had her hands on his shoulders, the corded muscles flexed and hard beneath her fingers. She could feel the differences between their skins, where hers was unnaturally smooth (thanks in large part to Cerberus), his was rougher with indentations from his ever present armor traversing the scars he had accumulated. She wanted nothing more than the time and presence of mind to map out his journey as much as she could, gleaning his story from the lines she traced along his muscular form. Another time, perhaps when they were not so enraptured by their own desires and so pressed by the reapers, she mused.

With one swift motion, Javik ripped her panties off and dropped the shreds to the floor. He pressed his hand against the apex of her thighs and Shepard let her head fall back against the wall. Rubbing it lightly, he slid one finger into her moist opening. She moaned, he grinned. Rocking her hips against his hand, she let one hand glide down his torso to where she had left his undersuit hanging. Unceremoniously, she yanked it off so that his impressive length sprung free. Wrapping her hand around it granted her a general idea of what she was working with. He was close enough to a human that it wouldn’t create a physical barrier and she silently thanked whatever deities she thought appropriate. He was flatter at the tip than she was used to and longer as well. The base was deeply ribbed, getting less so the farther up she went. She matched her strokes to the rhythm his hand had set and found his lips with hers again.

Before long, Javik withdrew his hand, stepped out of his undersuit and laid Shepard on the bed. His four golden eyes sought out her two emerald ones, and settled himself between her legs. With no more foreplay, he pushed himself in to the hilt, causing them both to moan none too quietly against the other’s lips.


	32. 1,000 Years, Give or Take a Few

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing sexy here, just a bit of an interlude. There is more to come soon though ;)

They lay together in a tangle of sheets and limbs, sated for the time being. But they could both feel the desire bubbling close to the surface, waiting to erupt again after being bottled up for so long. Shepard sighed happily and let her fingers play across Javik’s chest. He had his nose pressed against her hair committing its smell to memory. He’d never given much thought to hair, other than humans had less of it than they used to, and that he was glad for that fact. Shepard’s was soft under his lips and nose, and smelled of the lemon shampoo she favored. It had gotten longer since he’d joined her crew and now had a bit of curl to it. He found it suited her face better and intended to tell her so, should she ever think to change it. She shifted in him arms, wiggling her hand free from where she had trapped it under his shoulder. He maneuvered with her until they were both comfortable again. Javik was…content to just lay with her in silence. He couldn’t recall a time when he had felt this at peace.

In his cycle, before he gave himself entirely to the war against the reapers, those closest to him (that being those in the same settlement, as he wouldn’t count any of them as friends) used to say that he was a fool for not finding a mate to fight alongside. His fallback response was that none of them were worth his time since he was destined to be the Avatar of Vengeance. One of the last times they had that conversation, one of them, he forgot the name of the man now, had said that Javik would rather wait a thousand years for the bond instead of settle for what he could have now. As it turned out, he was only 49,000 years off.

And damn if Commander Sylvia Shepard wasn’t worth the wait.


	33. Your Turn

Shepard could feel the making of one hell of a hangover coming on, and she frankly could care less. She had a naked prothean in her bed. A very attractive naked prothean, whose arousal was beginning to show. With a devious smile, she trailed her fingers lower and lower until she wrapped them around his member. His breath caught and she bit her lip. Shepard stroked him slowly, almost lazily, enjoying the reactions she was getting. Javik’s heart sped up under her head and his breathing came faster, ruffling her already tousled hair. When he tried to roll her onto her back, she pushed against him, finally looking up at him, her eyes dark with desire.

“Oh, no. You stay put.”

He growled softly, the vibrations going straight to her sex. Biting her lip again, she slid down his body until she was eye level with his now fully hard length. She drew her tongue from the base to the tip and back down. Javik threw his head back into the pillows and hissed a breath between his teeth. Shepard was pleased that he was enjoying this so much, and she’d barely started. Raising herself up a bit, she took the tip into her mouth and sucked. He groaned and fisted his hands in the sheets, not wanting to touch her and have her stop to tell him off again. She slid more of him into her mouth, using her tongue to massage it when she wasn’t sucking. Javik bucked his hips unconsciously. She laughed, the sound reverberating around his member. Her hand rubbed what she couldn’t get in her mouth as she bobbed her head with increasing speed. He could feel himself fast approaching climax under her careful ministrations. With a slightly strangled cry, he exploded into her mouth. She sucked the tip for a moment longer before lapping the rest of him with a proud grin on her face. He gave her a satisfied smirk in return and hauled her up next to him.

“Your turn,” he whispered in her ear. She shivered.


	34. Stranger Things

Shepard woke groggy with the taste of stale beer in the back of her throat. She licked her dry lips and blinked away the fog from her vision. The room was dim; she vaguely remembered telling the VI to turn the lights down after she and Javik had exhausted themselves. Peering at the clock, she realized that she’d only been asleep for just over an hour. Shepard sighed. Javik was still dozing under her. She had collapsed onto him after their last romp and must have passed out. Clearly he didn’t mind, since he hadn’t moved her and had drifted off himself. She regretted her need to leave the bed and hoped her movement wouldn’t wake him. Rolling as gently as she could, she managed to land on the bed next to him with barely a sigh from the prothean. Shepard smiled to herself. The fact that he could sleep so soundly with her moving about spoke to the deep trust he felt for her. She was touched and planted a soft kiss on his chest before climbing out of bed. The surly ancient alien could have had just about anyone from this cycle, had he been able to get past them being so ‘primitive’ and he chose her. Why, she would never know, since heaven knew there were safer choices. It served to strengthen her resolve to win this war. Not that she was planning on failing; no, one way or another, the reapers would be destroyed. Standing in front of the mirror, Shepard mused how much her outlook had changed since the war started, since she died and since she met Javik. When she’d started this, she had been a fairly stubborn marine who thought herself nearly untouchable. Then she had gotten spaced and brought back, feeling inhuman and vulnerable. By the time she made it back to the Alliance, she’d regained some of herself, but hadn’t really felt whole in some time. In the back of her mind, she knew she had resigned herself to death by reaper. But then she’d connected with Javik and everything changed. Death no longer held the peace or the appeal that it had previously. She noticed herself smiling at her reflection and laughed. Here she was at the front of a galactic war and she had still managed to find love.

Hmm, love?

Well, stranger things could happen.

Scratch that. Stranger things _had_ happened.


	35. I Got Cold

Shepard had decided to climb in the shower before returning to bed with Javik. She smelled like she had spilled a keg on herself before sleeping with an alien. Not that she minded smelling at all like Javik, but the aroma of stale beer and sex was not what she would call romantic. The water was hot, creating a curtain of steam around her, and she leaned against the wall letting it slide down her back. She sighed contentedly. Showers were a luxury for a typical deployed solider and even though Shepard had a private one in her cabin, she didn’t use it as much as she’d like. Slowly, she became aware of another feeling encroaching on her silence. She couldn’t put her finger on it at first, but as she focused on it, she figured that Javik was awake. That’s absurd. How could she possibly know what he was doing in the other room? She couldn’t hear him, or see him. Was it just wishful thinking? Shepard tilted her head up into the spray of water. Rough hands wrapped around her waist and she gasped in surprise, taking a mouthful of water into her throat. Javik chuckled against her neck.

“You were not in bed.”

She raised an eyebrow at his obvious statement. “I was coming back.”

He shrugged. “I got cold waiting for you to return.”

Shepard giggled. That was such an _un-Javik_ thing for him to say so casually that she couldn’t stop herself. He merely watched her laugh at her private joke.

“Well, then it’s a good thing the water is so warm,” she said, and wrapped her arms around his waist to pull him closer to her, more in the stream.

Grabbing a handful of her hair and tugging it somewhat gently so her head turned to the side, he bit that spot he knew drove her crazy, “I believe there are other things that will keep me warmer, Sylvia.”


	36. Awareness

As Javik pinned her to the tiled shower wall, Shepard was absurdly aware of _him_. Not just his hips against hers or his breadth in her ear, but of his heart beating and his muscles rippling and his almost desperate need to touch her, and let her touch him. She could tell the contact brought some sort of solidarity to him, and some peace. His hand moved to cup her breast and she threw her head back against the wall, moaning. This seemed to put him in a mild frenzy and he squeezed it harder, wanting another vocal reaction. Shepard could hardly process what was happening; it was as if she knew what was going on inside his head as well as her own. She was aware of his body’s internal responses to her along with the more obvious external ones. Jumping to wrap her legs around his hips, she decided she didn’t really give a damn what it all meant. It was turning her on something fierce and she couldn’t focus on anything besides the man _-prothean-_ biting her neck and thrusting slowing into her.


	37. Easier Said Than Done

Shepard followed her somber, and slightly hung over, crew back to the _Normandy_ , pausing at the dock to look at the ship. Her entire life existed within its hull; it was where she lived and died. But as the war raged on, she felt more and more certain that this _Normandy_ would carry her crew long after she ceased to captain it. Leaning on the railing, she sighed.

“Commander.”

“Yes?”

“Do not dwell on those thoughts. They serve no purpose.”

She stood straight and looked over her shoulder at Javik. “Easier said than done.”

“As is defeating the reapers, but you will do that as well,” he responded. “Come. I believe you have a Leviathan to find.” He put his hand on the small of her back and led her to the airlock.


	38. Finding Leviathan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have not played the Leviathan DLC, these next chapters will have some spoilers in them!! I'll try not to make it too bad....anyway, thanks for still reading this! I hope it's enjoyable!

They had run all over the galaxy trying to piece together the mystery that was the Leviathan. They were nearing the end of their journey, finding a trace of the Leviathan’s energy signature on Desponia from a probe they sent down. They were now following in the shuttle, debating the best course of action when a strange pulse of energy sent them spiraling to a shipwreck below. Shepard, Javik and James hesitantly investigated the eerie hulk, dispatching husks as they went along.

“You always take us to the nicest places, Lola,” James said as the last husk fell.

“I thought you could use a reward for all your hard work,” Shepard responded.

“Commander,” Javik warned and gestured up toward the reaper sliding down from between the clouds.

“Shit,” she hissed as Cortez buzzed in over the comm. They ran back to the shuttle to offer what support they could while he finished the repairs. With a whoop from the piolet, the engines roared to life and the shuttle lifted off the ground. The three still on the shipwreck pulled back to allow Cortez to fire freely. He was able to make one pass before another pulse of energy knocked the shuttle back down.

“Of course it lands on the _other_ side,” Shepard said as she rolled her eyes and reloaded. They took off once again, plowing their way through the reaper forces.

“Check out that mech!” James called. The mech in question was large and unseemly, safely held behind a door they had no hope of opening since the wreck had no power.

“Looks ancient.”

“It’s a diving mech,” Cortez informed them. “That might be your best bet to get down to the Leviathan.”

“I thought you said the shuttle can dive?”

“The specs say it can, but it’s a no go. That last pulse damaged it more that I can fix here.”

“Options?” Shepard yelled over the gunfire.

“Call the Normandy!”

“The pulse will hit it, too. Then we’d really be stuck.”

“Take the power cells from the shuttle to juice up the wreck. Once there’s enough power to open the door, take the mech.” Cortez offered.

“That sounds like our best bet. Let’s get a move on!”

Power cell strapped to her back, Shepard took off at a sprint to the nearest socket and shoved the cell in, beating back a marauder while it charged. After a marathon of killing, running and charging, the door finally hissed open and she climbed lithely into the mech, using it to wipe out the remainder of reaper forces before meandering it over to Cortez.


	39. Fog

Javik stared after the commander with dread like a lump of ice in his stomach. He could still sense her, the bond they forged in the bedroom relaying her emotions back to him. Perhaps he should have told her what coupling with him would entail; that bedding him created a permanent link between them that could stretch any distance and only be severed by death. But he had been afraid. Looking back now, he realized that he had been foolish. Shepard had a right to know what he had done to her. Javik vowed to tell her if- _when_ \- she resurfaced.

As the time stretched, so did his concern. They had no communication from her and even as they were swarmed with reaper ground forces, he couldn’t bring his attention away from the water where she had disappeared. He could still feel her; she was awed, uneasy and frightened, but most definitely still alive. There was a dark shadow over her and he couldn’t figure out what was causing it. A screeching husk brought his attention temporarily back to the firefight and Javik ruthlessly tore through a regiment of enemy forces. By the time he refocused on Shepard, she was splashing back up and over the side of the ship.

Javik could tell immediately that something was wrong. There was a fog surrounding her and she moved robotically from the mech. There was a trickle of blood coming from her nose.

Damn the reapers.

Javik threw himself forward to catch her as she stumbled, sidestepping a brute. Grabbing her, he hauled her freezing body away from the fight. He barely even noticed a second brute attack the first. Cortez and James provided covering fire while Javik tended to the commander.

“Commander? Commander!” Shepard offered no response, the fog in her psyche separating her from the rest of the world. Javik scanned her with him omni-tool. “Shepard? Ah, she’s freezing!”  

Cortez punched the throttle as reaper forces swarmed the shipwreck. The shuttle hovered for a moment before rocketing into the air.

Javik took Shepard’s hand, which was stiff from the cold, and whispered, “Sylvia?”

Her hand twitched once, twice, and tightened on his as her eyes flew open. Using his hand for support, she pulled herself onto the seat and shook her head to clear it. Javik used his free hand to gently press a bit of gauze against her bleeding nose. She was warming rapidly and able to speak normally.

“Whoa, there, Lola. Are you okay?”

“Yea, I’m fine, just a head ache.”

The fog Javik had sensed was nothing more than a haze now and she squeezed her hand in relief before letting it go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What could this possibly mean? What is this fog? Will it impact Shepard later? Will Javik tell Shepard about their bond?


	40. Too Many Questions, Not Enough Answers

Shepard was sitting on the couch in her cabin with her knees drawn up to her chest. She had instructed EDI to tell any crew members that wished to see her that she was resting and not to be disturbed. The run-in with Leviathan had her shaken. How could a being that powerful just stand by and watch as its creation continually destroyed the known universe? What would make a creature like that hold its word to a mere human like her? There were so many questions that she didn’t have answers to, would never have answers to, and the implications made her uneasy. She pulled her knees closer to her. With a heavy sigh, she dropped her head onto her knees and closed her eyes. Half remembered greyscale trees swayed behind her eyelids and they fluttered open with a groan from Shepard. It had been days since she had slept more than an hour before some half formed terror jarred her awake. The exhaustion was getting to her, causing her fingers to shake on the grip of her pistol and her biotics to become unstable. If she didn’t get some sleep soon, she was going to get one of her team members killed. That thought weighed on her more than any other.


	41. What Took You So Long?

Javik could feel Shepard’s disquiet from his room below decks. It pained him for her to be so distant when she was feeling weak. He felt it was his job to support her during these trying times and she was making it rather difficult. Damn that stubborn woman.

“EDI!” Javik barked.

“Yes, Javik?”

“I demand to see the commander.”

“Very well.”

Javik was momentarily caught off guard when the machine obliged his request without a fight. The tone of her voice almost sounded as if she was saying it was about time. With a slight grimace at the thought, he headed for the elevator and took it to Shepard’s cabin.


	42. Bonded For Life

Shepard looked up, startled when the door to her cabin opened.

“Javik?”

“You are not faring well.” He was blunt as ever.

She narrowed her eyes at him, suspicious of how he knew. She immediately assumed EDI had hinted at it before dragging him up to tend to her. With a sigh, he turned away from her to look at the fish. She was suddenly aware of the fact that he was nervous, almost uncomfortable, not with her, but with something he had been withholding.

“My people are like none in this cycle.” He paused and she waited silently for him to continue. “Many choose to copulate with little care for whom their partner is, be it species or gender. In my cycle, the Protheans ruled, not just because of superior military power, but also because of our sensory ability. We were not the only ones who had it, just the ones who chose to wield it. Once we mated, it was for life. Other species who wished to join the Empire had to conform to this to keep us pure, or they were executed. Mating creates an unbreakable bond between two individuals and while they are both living, they can sense each other, even from great distances. When one dies, it is very traumatic for the one left behind.” He turned back to face her, “When we were on the Citadel, we shared in each other, both physically and emotionally. This created the bond. I was unsure how your species would process it, if you would at all, but I am fully aware of you.”

Silence fell between them as he watched her process what he had told her. “Well,” she finally said, “that certainly explains quite a bit.”

“You sense me as well.”

“I do. I don’t think it’s as clear for me as it is for you, but I have noticed it a few times.”

She unwittingly invited him to join her on the couch, and he accepted, sitting just far enough that they weren’t touching. Shepard dropped her feet to the floor.

“So you know everything?”

“Only what you feel. I cannot tell what is causing it.” He was troubled by that fact.

“That’s not normal, is it?”

“I do not know what is normal. I am the first of my kind to mate with a species that lacks the sensory ability.”

With a heavy sigh, Shepard said, “Then I guess I owe you an explanation.”


	43. Explanation

After a lot of pacing and bouts of frustration from Shepard, he finally got to the root of what was upsetting her so. Leviathan had forced her to come face to face with her humanity and what it could mean for the war. She was feeling insignificant compared to the massive conflict and lost among the hopeless.

“It used to be so clear. Everything I was doing was for the war. But what am I really doing? I feel like I’m trying to scale a landslide. No matter what kind of progress I think I make, I end up farther down the mountain.”

“What caused the landslide?”

“What?”

“I have come to notice that everything you say has a purpose, intentional or not. When this conflict started, it was a mountain, yes?”

“Yeah.”

“So, when did it become a landslide?”

Without thinking, Shepard responded, “When Cerberus attacked the Citadel.”

Javik nodded. “Why?”

“Because, I’ve been trying so hard to bring all our species together, and then my own pulls a coup and kills indiscriminately. It’s counter to everything I stand for. I’ve noticed since then, people are less trusting of me, of everything.”

“So, it has become a losing battle because your own species no longer trusts you to do what is right?”

“How can they? I willing worked with Cerberus!”

“And there is the problem.”

Shepard fell silent for a long moment. “Guilt?”

“You regret working with Cerberus.”

“No. I felt like I had to because they brought me back to life. And maybe it was wrong but maybe it wasn’t. I stopped the Collectors, blew up the base. I feel like that should count for something. I don’t feel guilty for working with them, but I feel like I should.”

“The reapers have a way of making the best intentions look like foul play.”

“There really is no way to win, is there?”

“Perhaps not.”

“I guess stopping them will have to be enough.”

“You are still uneasy.”

“It’s nothing you can fix this time, Javik.”

“The dream?”

“It’s not just a dream, though.”

“Then what is it?”

Shepard groaned, “I don’t know!”

He was silent for a moment, thoughtful. “I can stay with you.”

Surprised, she turned to him, “What?”

“The bond we share would make it possible for us to share the dream were we sleeping together when it came to your mind. I am willing to stay until this happens.”

She sagged with the relief of knowing she was no longer fighting it alone. “Oh, Javik…”

“Hush, Sylvia. It is late and you have not slept. Let us rest.” He took her hand and pulled her gently to the bed. With soft touches, Javik pulled her uniform off and dropped it on the floor. Shepard climbed into bed and watched him remove his armor before joining her. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close, stroking her back until she drifted off to sleep.

The only problem was that now, she could see his dreams, too.


	44. Kids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy cow, it's been so long since I updated, and even longer since I played the games. I literally had to brush the dust off the cases. I hope so of my old readers are still hanging out somewhere to see this through. It's almost done, just a big battle and some fluff before the dramatic finale! I'm so happy to be back at this, and I am so sorry I left this to waste away for so long!!

Shepard smiled at the older woman. “It sounds like you’ve got it under control.”

“I wouldn’t go that far, but we’re managing.” The image on the screen flickered and Shepard stopped for a moment, afraid the feed would cut. It buzzed for a moment before snapping back into focus and she sighed in relief. She hadn’t spoken to her mother in too long, the reapers making communications spotty at best.

“How are things on your end fairing?” Hannah asked through the static.

Shepard shrugged, “One step forward, two steps back. You know how it goes.”

The elder Shepard nodded, brow creasing with worry. “Are you still not sleeping well, dear?”

“It’s gotten better.”

“Not for lack of stress, I suppose.”

“Don’t I wish. No, I’ve just found a very…unique support.”

“Oh, is it that man you were telling me about before we got cut off last time?”

Shepard nodded. “But, uh, ‘man’ isn’t really the right word for him.”

“So he’s an alien, then, is he?” She waved away her daughter’s concern. “If he’s what you need to come home to, then I’m glad you have him.”

She smiled, suddenly wishing Javik was in her cabin so she could introduce them. Who knew if she would have another chance? “Have you heard from Dad?” She asked, thinking of the man her mother wanted with her.

“Only snippets. I haven’t had a vid call from him in weeks. He usually only manages short voicemails. It’s good to know he’s alive, but I do wish I could see his face.”

The door to her cabin swished open and Shepard turned to see who EDI had let enter, despite her orders not to be disturbed. “Javik!”

“Javik? Honey, who are you talking to?”

She waved him over and pushed her chair to the side so he could join her on the screen. “Come here, quick, before we lose the connection. I’m talking to my mom.”

He blinked for a moment, trying to process what she was saying. The glass of the aquarium was opaque, and the image of the elder Shepard woman was buzzing in and out of focus. He joined her in the space by the desk, his arms folded across his chest. Despite his annoyance, he did his best not to scowl.

“Mom, this is Javik. Javik, this is my mom, Hannah.”

Hannah smiled, “Well, it’s nice to finally see who my daughter has been spending her time with.”

Javik nodded, “It is good to put a face to your name.”

Shepard laid a hand on his arm, “I just wanted you two to meet while we hand the chance.”

“I see,” he replied.

“I’m glad we were able to at least say hi to each other. My time is almost up, though. As much as I’d love to keep you, I’ve got duties to attend to.”

“Of course. Thanks for calling.”

“You know I will whenever I can.”

“Yeah. Bye, Mom.”

“Goodbye, love you.”

“Love you, too.”

The screen went blank before lightening up to reveal the fish swimming behind it.

“You must look like your father,” Javik said as he turned to her.

“Why? Because I don’t look like my mother?”

“It is my understanding that your species takes more strongly after one of the parents.”

“Well, you’re not wrong. But I don’t look like either of my parents. I’m adopted, so I’m not biologically related to them.”

“You have no knowledge of your DNA?”

“Not really, no. I know my mother died when I was born, complications of the eezo exposure that gave me my biotics, and from what I understand, my father wasn’t really around.”

“I see.”

“Yes, humans are weird. We have the ability to raise another’s offspring and love it as our own.”

“My kind’s sensory ability would never allow us to bond with the child. We would care for it, keep it alive, but it would know it didn’t belong.”

“I never felt like that.”

“Perhaps there are benefits to lacking the ability.”

Shepard shrugged. “Maybe.” Her thoughts turned to family life, and then to little four eyed toddlers roaming the ship and causing chaos while Joker tried in vain to keep them out of the cockpit and EDI mocked his struggles. She could see Garrus showing them how to calibrate the Thanix cannon, and Tali talking a little too fast about the _Normandy_ ’s drive core. The thought of Wrex and Grunt taking them to fight a thresher maw on Tuchanka made her heart drop even as she smiled.

“You want children?” Javik asked.

“I’ve never thought about it before now. Do you?”

“Only if they are yours.”

“Oh, Javik.” She could feel the intense desire boiling his blood, and another deeper sensation that made her face feel warm. He closed the distance between them and cupped the back of her head to pull her in for a long, slow kiss.


	45. SR-1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My take on what it could have felt like if Shepard didn't die instantly in the crash

Javik was floating weightlessly, slowing spiraling in a sea of stars. All around him was the burning wreck of a ship, and in the distance, escape pods rocketed farther away. It gave him an unpleasant feeling, a mix of anguish, grim satisfaction, and fleeting hope. A large piece of debris passed in front of him, glossy white with black lettering.

_SR-1_

In a sudden panic, he realized he couldn’t breathe and began to writhe and fight to stop the leak. It was useless and as his body stilled, his eyes focused first on the icy planet below, and then on their own sapphire reflection in his helmet’s visor. The choking feeling didn’t stop, even as his vision blurred. It was then he felt the heat threatening to burn its way through his suit. His vision wasn’t foggy from lack of oxygen, but from the rush of the planet’s gravity pulling him to the surface. He gasped, his lungs burning almost as bad as his skin.

He needed to fight, to fix it, to just _survive_. The pain in his limbs was becoming unbearable and he desperately tried to suck in air to scream, to force himself to move, to make it stop.

And then, all at once, everything went black.


End file.
